amanda.auayan.com

i am dead. faded into background noise. i can’t can’t breathe without him. what do you do when you know you’ve lost the most precious thing to you, and you know you’ll never get him back. i try to tell myself it’ll be okay, but it never is. the love of a lifetime, gone in a single blink. and the worse part is, he wants nothing to do with me, and i deserve it. i never meant to hurt him the way i did. i will never be able to forgive myself. i would do anything to be able to hold him again, a single kiss. memories of us pour on me, and shower me with tears. does he miss me as much as i miss him? or have i already been forgotten.  he acts as if nothing ever happend, i can’t stand it. last words i’ve heard from him is.. “don’t contact me anymore”. and oh god, it’s the worst feeling in the world comming from the only one you will ever truely love. i just don’t understand. why didn’t he fucking fight for me, why didn’t he want me, why is he gone.. .? prolly cause i’m just a fuck up, i can never do anything right. lazy and selfish, that’s what he said.. .. everytime i look away, i shed a tear. every moment i get for myself i can’t help but breakdown. i miss him, so much. i won’t be able to live without him. someone.. help me please..