King of Hearts.

So tired, and so.. well sore. I have a cardiologist appointment around 11am today. It’s going to suck, I have to wear this “King of Hearts” monitor for a whole month! I don’t really know exactly how my skin is gonna handle those sticky things. Last heart monitor was only on for 24 hours and ended up making me welt and bleed. Not looking too forward to that.

I think way too much and I hate it. Sometimes even overbearing. I keep it tucked in pretty well though. I’ve been thinking about this for awhile since well the doctor didn’t want to believe I wasn’t depressed. But I am. I don’t really understand it but, It’s been getting worse. I see myself as worthless, and I don’t want to anymore. I think of death too much. Myself and others, I am scared to be alone. I am so scared of loosing any of my family, and it hurts so much to know I will. It also hurts that my Mother thinks I do not care for her. When almost everything I do I think of her. There are so many things going through my mind and I just want it to end. And talk about anxiety. I know I have it, I panic. I was thinking about getting depression medicine and maybe something for anxiety at my next doctors appointment. I believe it’s on the 14th of next month. Iuno, wish me luck.

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Amanda, 20, Washington, Musician, Singer, Gamer, Writer, Photographer, Sinner.

4 thoughts on “King of Hearts.”

  1. I know you care and love me. I love you with all my heart too. I worry so much about you. More so as we can not find a doctor that will listen and do something about it. But we must keep trying and hope one day we will find out what is wrong. ……….NEVER GIVE UP……. that is the key. You know Mandy one day we will all leave this world. Don’t think of that as it is a waste of time. You can use that time to do things together. It will get better. Keep your head up high, and be proud of who you are. I am proud of you and I know looking at you is like looking into a mirror at me. I love you, Mandy.

  2. HI! Where have you been? How are you doing? Missed you too ^^
    I see you changed te layout, so you should update too!

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