Going to the doctors soon! I have to leave around 8am.. Sucks =/ at least I slept last night though. *Yawn* I’m planning on having like a billion tests done to me this afternoon.. Oh JOY! <.< *falls over* Wish me luck!
Bali’s Best = one of the best coffee candies ever! You HAVE to try them if you like coffee!! So good. *melts*
i feel like a robot. putting on a face, just so no one will worry about me. i try to be happy, it’s slipping. suicide pours into my head and i can’t help it. i’m scared to drive a car by myself because everytime i do i imagine myself flooring it and going head on into a car, or a little off the road into a telephone pole. sometimes i even think about jumping out the door seeing my face grind against the pavement. i don’t want to live anymore. someone save me from myself.
i am dead. faded into background noise. i can’t can’t breathe without him. what do you do when you know you’ve lost the most precious thing to you, and you know you’ll never get him back. i try to tell myself it’ll be okay, but it never is. the love of a lifetime, gone in a single blink. and the worse part is, he wants nothing to do with me, and i deserve it. i never meant to hurt him the way i did. i will never be able to forgive myself. i would do anything to be able to hold him again, a single kiss. memories of us pour on me, and shower me with tears. does he miss me as much as i miss him? or have i already been forgotten. he acts as if nothing ever happend, i can’t stand it. last words i’ve heard from him is.. “don’t contact me anymore”. and oh god, it’s the worst feeling in the world comming from the only one you will ever truely love. i just don’t understand. why didn’t he fucking fight for me, why didn’t he want me, why is he gone.. .? prolly cause i’m just a fuck up, i can never do anything right. lazy and selfish, that’s what he said.. .. everytime i look away, i shed a tear. every moment i get for myself i can’t help but breakdown. i miss him, so much. i won’t be able to live without him. someone.. help me please..